[IMAGE] Fine In My Own World – Ink and watercolour. A6.
I was distraught that I’m not a proper artist. Here I saw so much fantastic art. Proper art. Not like mine. I was so upset (again) that I don’t have the physical resources to fulfill my potential, to do the work I want to do, to develop my practice – to grow at anything more than a snails pace. That what I do is I tinker and play but I’m not a real artist.
I concluded by the next day that whilst I am in my own world I am fine. I can cope with the limitations of my illness, of my life. As soon as I compare myself to others it does tend to send me into turmoil.
Out there is so … well … much. So many opportunites and complexities and layers and life. It all moves along at what now, to me, seems like a fast pace. It passes me by as I struggle to live within this simple existence of mine shaped by the limits brought by my illness.
I think the trick is to tap into the outside world and adapt it to my needs. But not to try and measure myself against anyone else. Nuture, tend, grow, learn – but don’t pressure or kick myself for not measuring up.
I wanted to suggest a world outside of mine which is complex and confusing – but also full of beauty and potential and light.
Of course there isn’t really a distinct “my world” and “external world”. But sometimes it just feels a bit like my happy yet plodding life is in a bubble and when it touches the “real world” I can feel a bit inadequate.
Oh. That’s a lot of words. I don’t usually like to use this many words explaining a drawing. Hmmm. I think I want to expand on the background but try and assure you that I am fundamentally happy but sometimes struggling with how I fit into the bigger picture. THIS is why I don’t use lots of words normally!